Greetings That Can Replace, “How are you?” or “Are you okay?”

One of the leading questions to greet a person includes, “How are you?” to which the person must only reply, “Good” or “Fine.” Let’s face it, nobody, absolutely nobody wants a response other than that. Especially when it is in passing, which this greeting usually takes place, an honest response of, “Actually, feels like the world is a dumpster fire and I barely got out of bed” leaves both people cringing or walking away awkwardly.
 
So.
 
Here are some helpful recommendations (and some not-so-helpful) in order to assist your interpersonal communications. Save these or bookmark them to take your doldrum greetings up to a whole new level.
 
What’s cookin’, homeslice?
What’s shakin’, bacon?
How’s your chaos level on a scale from one to raccoon?
What’s the word, hummingbird?
Are we slaying or sobbing?
What’s the tea?
What’s the tale, nightingale?
Have you been chillin’ like a villain?
Are we feeling Team Edward or Team Jacob today?
How's the vibe, tribe?
What's crackalackin', captain?
What’s the emotional damage level today?
You ate today or nah?
How’s your main character energy today?
Feeling funky or fabulous?
How goes thy noble quest?
What’s up, famalam?
How we vibin’, kids?
What’s the crunch, cap’n?
What’s the dill, pickle?
Are we rollin like bowling pins or sushi today?
How goes the chaos?
What’s new in your zoo?
You in your flop era or comeback era?
Are you feeling zesty or just lemon-adjacent?
Are we sparkling or just slightly damp?
How goes thy battle with the abyss?
Dost thou conquer, or be conquered?
 
Not recommended:
How now, brown cow?
What’s going down, clown?
What’s the fox say today?
How's it brewin', muffin?
What’s poppin’, my penguin?
You bussin’ or nah, chief?
How do you do, fellow youths?
Yo, are you feeling extra yeet today?
What emotions are you currently hosting?
What’s the haps, snack pack?
What’s the 411 on your day?
Are you keeping it real?
It’s giving Ohio, right?
Pray, art thou bussin’ or boomin’?
How’s your, uh… rizz situation?
How art thou vibing, fair peasant?
 

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Hope these are helpful! Keep it real, y’all. Heh.