What if we didn't measure life in years or days or months or pounds or inches or dollars? Imagine if we measured in deep breaths and hope and smiles and hugs and satisfaction and realized potential?
What if mankind's existence and success was based on something other than making money or having the newest tech? What if it was about knowing the song of the seas, seeing the colors of the sunsets or the trees in the autumn, or tracing the path of the stars, or merging with the heart and mind of the great Creator? Perhaps, and indeed, it is.
Symbols do not accurately display sense and touch and the way your heart lifts to music. Numbers, strokes of a pen, do not convey the beauty in a glint of sunlight tumbling across the pages of a worn novel. Numbers are boundaries. Numbers are limits. Numbers are the accounted for, known evidence. Numbers are not possibility. Possibility cannot be accurately predicted or stored or weighed.
Sometimes those reports come in, filed away, showing numbers and lists and detailed accounts of What Has Been or What Is or What Lacks.
Find a way to laugh in the face of lacking. That’s how you fight dread. That’s how you wrangle unsatisfied expectation. During my third year of college, I spent a lot of time running. I worked out almost every day and I ran every day. I didn’t know what I wanted or where I was going. I ran to flee the doubt, I ran to escape what I called The Hope Monster. Terrible name, I know, because I’ve never said the name out loud before, because how ridiculous and lame does it sound? Who is afraid of hope? Who is afraid of possibility? Oh my friend, it’s a masked fear. It's not the hope we dread, it's the darkness behind it. At that point in time I was realizing I didn’t know what I wanted To Do with my life, who I wanted to be with, and in fact, didn’t know who I wanted to be. (I’m still figuring that out.) As I ran, I fled the unknown. But you cannot outrun the unknown. It’s always there. Fortunately, the unknown does not have to be scary. The unknown does not have to be a dizzying whirl of delightful, uncategorized options.
We rage against chaos, against fear, against lacking. We fight with shields of faith, with a bright smile founded in love, and supported by hope. We pierce the darkness with love, with knowledge of One who loves, and who makes a way for light.
Train hard today to fight the battles you need to win tomorrow. You don’t know when they will come, but they are coming, so hustle. In fact, you don’t know if tomorrow even exists. So: hustle. Now. With whatever tools you possess.
Grit cannot be weighed or measured. Kindness flutters freely, weightless and yet encompassing each soul brought to this realm. Our finite minds cannot contain it but we can control the portion we give to others. And it too cannot be priced, or proportioned, or marginalized.
The numbers don't matter. The numbers don't make a soul free. There's one number to keep track of, and that number is spelled Y-O-U. You do your freakin’ best. You keep trying. You work for good. You believe in the good you can do. You trust the omnipotent Creator, so vast we cannot comprehend his size or merit or reasoning, and walk as his treasure. He gave you life, which is the most valuable thing we have. We cannot originate it. Only the great Creator can. You, living creature, are a rare commodity in this enormous universe. With every breath, every blink, every swallow, every rippling beat of that tenacious, miraculous heart, you are an asset. You are a priceless addition to the cosmos. A delight. The whole cheesecake. With the sprinkles on top.
So the fight is against the doubt. The darkness ebbs in, marauding as numbers and limitation and broken gadgetry. In the same way you cannot contain sunlight, so too hope saturates. It floods the earth, in every bright smile. All it takes is one. One.
And one by one by one into infinity we unleash the torrent.
If I just gave up, would anyone care?
What if I don't Make It?
What if I can't find my niche or that answer that I'm hoping to find?
"It’s never too late to run away." That’s what one purple alien told his traveling companion as their vehicle crashed to the ground in the movie Home.
The hubs and I have discussed the idea of success a lot recently. What is success? Can success be measured, weighed, wrapped up in a package, or defined by some shiny statue? Is success a framed certificate or a dollar amount on a paycheck? Maybe it depends on the initial goal and the motivation behind that goal. Some people find success as simply getting out of bed in the morning. I been there, I hear dat. Some people find success on a brightly lit stage, dressed in a formal gown, with their hair all did fancy. Does success exist in One Moment, in One Shot?
Success can be found anywhere along the road. Success is the moving forward even though the ground seems to be shaky and the air very thin. Success is the unfolding of light within a dark realm. Success is dancing wildly on a grassy patch of grass, finding hope and delight in little achievements. Success ought be sought with joy, flung freely, and named frequently.
Small bricks build strong walls, if layered well and often. Little steps matter.
I guess it’s okay if I fail, because it was small. And from that "no," from that, "well, not right now," that, "um, uh, I think it...uh, I like this, um..." stuttering stumbling happenstance, we learn, we reconfigure, and we re-examine.
It's okay if your goal is big. Love your purpose, love your goals, and love yourself in the process of achieving them. Carry on with a smile and a coffee cup in hand. Believe in moving forward and finding opportunity.
Because since I acted out scenes in my parent’s hallway, sweeping floors, pretending to be Cinderella’s twin sister who was left behind because she was the awkward, shy one who lost her first love to a band of local pirates, well, I guess I wanted to just create stories. Maybe act them out.
Definitely share them.
I’m still learning how to communicate and share my stories. That walk is a daily exercise and one that will continue until I am done with words. But words, silent words on a page, have always been the way I found my footing and guided my pencil out of the maze.
Words do not need to be everybody's purpose. This sapphire globe runs on the fuel of mankind's creative genius, endowed by such a Creator himself. We have been gifted so generously with dirt, wood, sunshine, far away worlds, unseen heavens, numbers, letters, song, sound, touch, and dream. All ought re-evaluate what their souls whisper so desperately for. Are clenched fists and coiled ambition shoved into a box in the attic?
"Mohamed 'Mo' Farah is a Somali-born British distance runner... Farah earned Olympic gold medals in the 5,000 and 10,000 meter races, and repeated that double victory at the 2013 world championships... In February 2015, Farah set his first world record by running 8:03.40 for 2 miles indoors."
Runner's World. <http://www.runnersworld.com/tag/mo-farah> Accessed February 16, 2016.
Mo Farah was pictured with a surprise look on his face after winning gold at the most recent Olympics. Noted by thousands as an inspiration and a true Olympic legend, he is adored and yet has been made the subject of many a comical moment online. An entire Tumblr page has been created about mofarahrunningawayfromthings.
The race is tough.
The race is long.
The race pushes, pulls, and separates.
I looked into Mo Farah while researching fun encouraging memes for one of my online classes. College can often seem like a sprint, and for some it is an ultra-marathon. Single days in normal life may seem like sprints or ultra-marathons. Let’s face it. I’m a mother of a two-year old. Sometimes minutes seem like ultra-marathons.
The race builds endurance.
The tenacity carries physical achievement.
The maze offers surprise.
Mo Farah may have been surprised at his success with a comical expression, but he holds that gold medal as a record of his accomplishment.
One day, the time will come when that next fork in the road stumbles upon you. You'll have to decide if you want to get out of bed, drive that boring route, or to pursue the next goal. You’ll have to decide if you want to write another stupid query letter, finish another paper, change another diaper, put away those darn dirty dishes one more time, or just start digging holes.
Digging holes can be fun.
Watch out for lies, though, because they will make you think you should dig holes instead of build houses. Turn that hole into a basement. And keep going.
Not all runners get a medal. Heck, most runners don’t make it to the Olympics. Is there a person within fifty feet of you? Then that person probably runs. Is he in the Olympics? No. Does that mean you stop running? No. Doesn’t matter how he runs. It matters how you run. It matters how I run.
I’m guessing Mo didn’t run away from his fears though, and just kept running forward.
Finish strong, finish on your knees, finish covered in mud, finish glistening with fairy dust, but finish.
I’m honestly not sure how God falls into the equation and how your heart will seek him, and which answers will help you keep on. This level of the building is where we learn to give him glory when the lights go out, there are holes in the floor, and all the doors are locked from the outside. Hey, he’s there with you though. "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you" (Deuteronomy 31:6). So don’t worry about running away alone, or moving forward alone. You’re not alone. There’s that.
Darkness settles into bones with a soft, creeping, withering stare. Sometimes it is obvious and sometimes not. Don’t be afraid to shake it off, throw it down, or carry it along for the ride and let it blink blindly in the sunlight. The darkness only weighs in the nighttime. Now, because it is night, and my mind whirls tumultuously, I can sit in my dim office, type out some sense, and add one more notch in a void where notches are free and pay even less. But it’s there, it’s loaded, it’s available, it’s another rock on the pile. It’s hopefully another connection to someone else awake in the night wondering if it’s too late to run away.
It’s never too late to run away.
But hold tight if you need to. See if you can hold out any longer, or feel around in the dark one more time, and make one more round. Extend a hand and call out, and see if anyone else is in the room with you. I bet there is. I know there is. And I bet that a hand is attached to that Creator who made you, and that hand wants to hold yours. Even in the dirt. Even as we make our way through the maze.
“You’re just like me, a big nobody!”
Her squeaky voice echoes through the cavernous hall as the “evil stepsister” and “evil stepmother” begin their new indentured servitude in the palace, dying cloth and washing laundry.
Lately, this remarkable phrase from the movie Ever After keeps ringing through my ears, rattling around in my brain, and prattling about before my eyes. I’m just a big nobody. I can’t make it. I can’t do it. I need to be satisfied with my small life. Just step away from the computer and go clean up the kitchen, as it is covered in a thin coating of grime. At times I’m unsure if my brain is lying or if it is being honest. Am I trying too hard? Am I wanting too much? Am I doing the right thing? Am I doing what God has planned for me?
Caught in a lie. I’ve been caught between a lie and a truth for most of my life. Too many speakers at too many podiums have made me think that God has a specific timeline for me to follow, a specific list of To Dos and To Not Dos, and I simply have to trust that the right thing will happen at the right time.
Well, I have decided I don’t believe this anymore.
I have decided to have a little faith in who I am. I have decided to take my faith in God’s sovereignty, my belief that he is good, loving, remarkable, and dwells in me, and have a little faith in myself, too.
And I’m sticking by my decisions.
By God’s grace, I was raised by loving parents, and have been well-educated. I pushed through four years at college, and then pandered around trying to figure out what I wanted from life, and after folding four billion and a half church bulletins, I noticed that I was inclined to daydream and dawdle, and just wanted to tell a good story. Whether the story was about real life or not, I didn’t care, but The Time seemed to slip to the side and Life truly felt real when I was engrossed in the slithering and sticking of words upon the page. By God’s grace, I was accepted into a Master of Fine Arts program for creative writing, and the words began to pile up. Here we are four years later. By God’s grace, I am what I am.
I falter and flail, but my God is near me all the time. I shared this message with my daughter this morning, because her memory verse from Bible Drill last night was Psalm 56:3, “When I am afraid, I will trust in God.” When I learned the verse as a sprightly twig, (ha, I wish I’ve ever been a twig. Let’s go with it.) I learned a rhyming version, “When I am afraid, I will trust in thee, Psalm 56:3.” Rhyme works, my friends. A friend told me recently that she thinks I am brave. This idea makes me laugh, and yet makes me hopeful. Am I brave? Can I be brave? Can I DO THIS?
Can YOU DO THIS???
There is this deep, inner tugging, a wrenching of my darkest hopes and fears, intermingled in a chewy, doughy pretzel. What does it take to Make It? And can I do it?
You will be left behind.
You will miss out.
You will fall.
You will say the wrong thing at the wrong time.
You will sleep in late.
You will laugh at the wrong time.
You will reject the wrong person.
You will forget what you promised yourself.
You will step in somebody’s old gum and, or, dog poop.
You will get a late start.
You will get fired.
You will lose out.
You will lose big.
You will be tempted to lose hope.
Don’t lose hope.
Be sure of God.
Be of good cheer.
Be who God can make you be.
You will be forgotten by ‘people’. You will be left behind and alone. You will feel small. You will sit in the dark silence and think there is nothing better and it cannot get better.
You are right.
The sentence continues on, my friend.
God is love. God is the beginning and the end. He is wider and deeper than we can even fathom or discover. That God made you, loves you, rescued you, and waits for you to dwell in his shadow and act in his power. There is nothing and no hope without God. If you believe that he is the great I Am, then you have his spirit in you. By pursuing his heart, your actions will give him glory. Yes, he has prepared some good works for you and I to do, and he placed those deep in the corners and essence of your heart. By fulfilling those good passions, you shine a spotlight on his person.
Whether he placed in you a desire to help people medically, scientifically, in a classroom, in a dentist’s office, in a cubicle, in a laboratory, at a lake, by a pier, on a mountain, on a weight bench, or under the ocean, those myriad talents make this world diverse and interesting, and a fully encompassing picture of his creativity that he has shared with us.
I want to tell a good story. I want to help you live on the brighter side of this shadowed universe.
Bigger than the “I can’t,” is the “I Am.”
Maybe your goal is small, maybe your goal is astronomical, but listen to the power rather than the doubt. I am royalty. Are you? It’s time to own that and act like that.
If He placed your talents and passions inside of you, then be assured you can use them for good, and for His glory. How do we ensure we are acting for God’s glory? We can’t always see that part of it. That’s where I struggle, because I am but one tiny part of the masses. God can take even my smallest efforts and make them flourish. He is the one who directs the lightning in its path, remember.
“Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal” (Isaiah 26:4). That Rock is in you, so let your heart be hardened to the doubt, yet open to the light.
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares about you” (1 Peter 5:6-7). Peter, also known as The Rock (do you think he looked anything like Dwayne Johnson???) was one of those people who had full confidence in himself and his Author. He struggled with humility, and I think we all do. I often have too much humility and then find myself behind proud of that. So silly. Now, that’s a twisted web. Don’t think about it too much because your head will begin to thud in a dull panic. Peter follows this strong sentence with another: “Be serious! Be alert! Your adversary is prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for anyone he can devour. Resist him and be firm in the faith” (1 Peter 8-9a). Even here, God reminds us to be strong. If you feel like you can’t achieve your goal, you may be trying to accomplish too many goals, may simply lack conviction, or just need to shiver off that dead outer skin of childish faith.
So chuck anxiety out the back door and toss a lit match upon that spurning lie. Then lock the door. Do what you can today to get another step closer to that dream, that goal. Instead of aching for more, be the lightning that crosses the sky.
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